It Is Finished

This past weekend was one of the toughest of our lives. With moderate miscarriage complications, we rushed Katy to the hospital. She ended up having a surgical procedure called a “D&C". (I'll let you look that up on google. Not fun.) It was tough, but it is finished.

On a recent personal prayer retreat I (Blake), I had an opportunity to walk through an art instillation designed to meditate on the "Final Three Hours" of Jesus' life, focusing on the scripture. It was an important moment for me in dealing with this situation. As I came to the second station, I meditated on Jesus' words, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" Jesus questioned God as we do at times. Yet, He asked for a drink. I’m not basing my theology on this, but His words reminded me. While I question God, I am the one who thirsts. I am weak. He is not. On my own, I am incomplete. He is complete. I spent a while meditation on this, asking God why He didn’t save our Zoe.

The final station in the installation focused on Jesus’ final words on the cross. “Father, into your hands I commit my spirit.” It was a perfect follow-up to my questions. Although I will never understand why things like this happen, at the end of the day I will always commit my life and my family to God. He is complete, He is good, and He is truth. 

I want to thank you all for your prayers during this time. We are so humbled by how our friends and family stepped up spiritually and practically. We want to specifically thank Janice, Ellie, Des, Judith, Maddie, Dan, and Deb for all they did in our moment of emergency.

I Choose Jesus (Suffering with Christ)

I choose Jesus. I will choose Him every day. I can understand why people choose not to believe in Him, though. After all, why would a loving God allow so much suffering? 

As someone currently suffering, let me offer my point of view...

I am in the first day of what will be many days of a miscarriage. My unborn baby is not alive anymore. In this lifetime, I'll never get to kiss her cheeks or snuggle her at night. It sucks. It is such a waste. 

I could throw in the towel and not believe in Him anymore. What would be left when the dust settled? I might be comforted in the knowledge that no higher power was responsible for allowing my suffering. This was simply nature doing what nature does. Do I really want that, though? Do I want to suffer with only humans to comfort me? Humans who are just as helpless as I am? 

I want to suffer with Jesus because He is with me. He knows me better than any human ever could. He is the best partner in suffering because He has experienced it on deep levels. His closest friends ditched Him when He got arrested. The people who previously enjoyed spending time with him gave the Ok for His torture and murder. Even though it was not at all what God originally wanted, God didn't answer His prayer to take His suffering away. For the sake of me and you, Jesus suffered. 

He suffered willingly so that we could know what it was like to talk to God with no barrier between us. Jesus pulled back the curtain that was humanity's guilt and gave us unlimited freedom. We don't have to sacrifice animals to make good. We don't have to pray certain prayers, chant, eat the right things, wear the right things, or do good deeds. We just need to allow our hearts to respond to His. God wants to be with us. 

That's why I choose Him. He's holding my baby right now and one day, I'll get to see both of them in person. 

This is from a song I heard a long time ago:

I will glory in my Redeemer; Who carries me on eagles’ wings; He crowns my life with lovingkindness; His triumph song I’ll ever sing!

I will glory in my Redeemer; Who waits for me at gates of gold; And when He calls me, it will be paradise; His face forever to behold; His face forever to behold!

Thank you all for your prayers and kind messages. We can feel them lifting us up.

.5%

If you didn't read Monday's blog, you'll want to before reading this one. 

Today's rescan did not go very well. Baby Zoe is only a few millimeters in size, and the overall growth from last week's scan wasn't enough to consider this a "viable pregnancy". The doctor told us there is a 99.5% chance this will be a miscarriage. Needless to say, it was devastating news, but we remain hopeful. Here's why...

I recently heard someone refer to having children as a prophetic voice into the world. As followers of Christ, we look at this broken world and must decide whether or not we want to bring children into it. When a husband and wife make the decision to have a child, they are speaking prophetically into this world with a hopeful voice. That faith and hope lies in God's ability to redeem us and restore His Kingdom.

We will continue to pray for baby Zoe. I don't care what small percentage the chance is of survival, as long as there is any chance whatsoever I will continue to fight and pray for my baby. Should God perform a miracle here and I hold my baby in my arms, I could not bear to think I didn't give her my all when the chips were down. If she doesn't make it out of the womb, I can be comforted to know I did my best and trusted God.

We want to thank you all for your prayers. Hundreds of people literally all over the world have been praying, and we can feel it. Prayer is the foundation of all we are and all we do, especially in times like these. Thank you again.

Blake, Katy, & Eden